EVERYDAY

i'll still have the dream and the memories. i'll still wish and remember. but i'll no longer hope and no longer promise. without you i'll no longer have faith in me, or you, or love. i'll breathe, everyday, wondering if you'd miss me if i died. and everyday i'll pick up the sharpest thing around the house and wonder it. and everyday i'll think i'm not brave for not being able to at least rip off an eye or something. everyday i'll wake up and for a tiny little second i won't remember that we broke up and i'll plan in my head our day together. everyday i'll cry for you, i'll take a step alone and i'll cry because god knows i'm a mess when you're not around. everyday i'll miss you a little more and a little less and i'll sing our song. everyday that you're gone i'll sing our song and i'll play it over and over on my out of tone guitar and sing it with my out of tone voice hoping that wherever the fuck you are you'll listen to it and find your way back here. everyday i'll think i'm crap and i'll say you're better without me, somedays i'll say loud. everyday i'll remember our bad moments and shout to the world that i didn't get the chance to make things right, cause you know, i didn't. everyday i'll torture myself while brushing my hair just because you liked my hair. everyday i'll try to hide my eyes from myself because we have the same eye color. everyday i'll hate you for breaking up and love you for even starting it up. everyday i'll text you with a huge speech telling you how sorry i am and how i need you back, and everyday i'll improve that speech, and everyday you'll turn me down. everyday i'll depress and i'll push my feelings away saying i'm not worthy of even feeling. everyday i'll thank god for you and everyday i'll make a different deal with satan to have you back. everyday you'll be my church and you'll my sin. every single day i'll hug my pillow and kiss our photo album just because i need yout somehow. everyday i'll smell your clothes and everyday i'll watch your feelings for me grow smaller and smaller while mines are bigger than the universe. everyday i'll think of you and everyday i'll think if you're thinking of me. everyday i'll get a no wishing for the day i get a yes. everyday. everyday i'll see how long has passed since we broke up and everyday will seem like foreveeeeeeeeeeer. every single day-i'll love you.